It's the Sound of Silence That Challenges Parents

Like playing a piano, students can be tapping away at their keyboard, creating at a furious speed. So why do parents get upset when things are silent in writing sessions?

1. I'm often tempted to compare writing sessions to music lessons. For example:

Parent: My daughter loves writing so much. She's twelve and she's trying to write a novel.

Me: Great! She probably needs a writing coach, don't you think?

Parent: Perhaps. But I think I'll let her write on her own for now.***

On the surface of things this parent's response sounds plausible. However, imagine the following scenario:

Parent: My daughter loves playing the piano. She says she wants to play a concerto.

Me: Great! Are you going to get her a music teacher?

Parent: No, I think I'll let her tackle Beethoven on her own for now.

Good luck with that! More often than not, I ponder how far the learner got on her own before giving up. Instead of achieving greatly the whole thing was probably forgotten in three months. (Sad.)

2. What if we reframe our understanding of what's happening?

If a parent walks by a room where their child is having a music lesson, and their child is making noise upon their instrument they think: All is well. Music is being practiced.  Yet if they walk by a writing session and all they hear is the clacking of keys on the computer, often they think: This is not good. What am I paying all this money for anyway?

But...isn't it the same thing?

Perhaps, in their minds, the problem is this: My daughter's working away, but the coach isn't doing anything. She's just sitting there. Let's think about this: what is the music teacher doing when the student is practicing a piece? Yes, it is pretty much the same thing. More on this below.

3. First priority: Get students writing.

   Just like a music lesson wherein little can happen if notes are not being played, nothing can happen in our writing session until words are on the screen or down on paper.

[This is often how I start with adults I work with as well--especially harried moms who feel guilty carving out. a little time each week for themselves. Nerves are jangling the first handful of sessions. The mind is unfocussed. However, gradually during each writing session a relaxed feel of calm grows. Quiet focus takes over. Ahhhhhhh. I can practically hear their blood pressure dropping.]

4. What's the sound of a successful brainstorm?

   One reason for silence and key clacking is we're attempting to avoid that dreaded moment where I say, "Okay, what happens next?" And the student says with despair, "I have no idea."

   
   

   So when I see the end of the sidewalk looming, I'll initiate a brainstorming session. The goal is to capture everything from the brainstorm--which can sometimes seamlessly transition from a flow of ideas into a flow of words in a scene or chapter. They must get it all down on paper before it's gone. This is an ideal habit to build. Along the way I'm, reminding them, if needed, of something we mentioned that they may have forgotten. Yet it sounds like a lot of nothing to parents. One quiet comment and a long time with nothing but the clacking of keys.

   
   

   What we're really doing is called scaffolding. The child or teen can feel quite uncomfortable running up against the giant blank wall of I Don't Know What Comes Next. We avoid this potential writer's block neatly, building over it with scaffolding fairly far in advance.

   
   

5. Writing before a session is ideal--but it's not what I expect.

   If a learner is too busy to write at other times of the week, or too burned out or overwhelmed to have the inner initiative to write on their own, then we're going to spend a lot more time writing in our sessions. After they get a chunk of writing done, I'll look over what they write, make corrections/adjustments as I edit their work, and discuss what's coming next. But a lot of the session is spent getting words down first. Writing outside our sessions requires more time, focus, and energy than some people have. If you or your learner has the time, focus, and energy to write in advance of the session--great! If not, well, that shouldn't stop anyone.

   
   

   The problem is not silence in the sessions. The silent student who is typing away in a session is highly engaged and in a creative flow. Silence in this regard is fabulous! No--the problem is setting up other times for writing during the week. I'll suggest it and support it on my end. It's actually the parents job to gently nudge their learner towards building this habit.

   
   

6. The right question to ask is: How Can I Support Writing Practice Outside of Sessions?

   In ideal world, the student would write a chapter, a poem, or a chunk of a chapter in advance of our session. I would look it over, and we'd discuss. It's definitely the most efficient use of everyone's time. But this requires is support of some kind. It may just happen all on its own: but think about it--does anyone just practice their musical instrument for years on their own?

   
   

7. Two kinds of support are crucial: Habits and Other People

   Adults find all kinds of ways to set up little habits to get things done. I have a friend who calls me every morning and I always clean the cat pan while we talk. I make another habit of stretching every time I get out of my chair. Some adults are good at setting a habit they perform at random times--cued by some stimulous, time, reminder, or other activity. Some teens can do this as well. But we shouldn't expect it of anyone. Whether a teen or adult, we may need to schedule practice in some way to build the habit. We may need the additional support of an adult for accountability. Parents can find ways to support their teen or child--but not through guilt or nagging as a prod. Negative prods kill the learner's overall love of writing.

8. Make practice fun!

   I know, easier said than done. It's a whole thing unto itself, so I'm only presenting one thing to try here. One fun way to super-charge writing habits is to have writing sprints. If the learner knows what they want to write and enjoys competition, they can see how many words they can get down in an allotted time--and see if they can make that number grow. Perhaps the learner can try to beat their own score when it comes to work count. Perhaps they can try to remain consistent for three weeks in a row, building to five weeks, then ten. For adults, X (formerly Twitter), for instance, has all kinds of writing sprints for people all across the continent.

When it comes to music lessons, especially in the beginning, a music instructor often looks to the parent for support in making sure that practicing occurs during the week. Maybe this means helping to set up a regular practice time. The parent can also take out the music stand, set up the music and take out the instrument, set it up. Then the student comes flying in and practices--sometimes at first only for ten minutes. I'm realizing more and more as I write this that I should encourage the parents I work with to support writing during the rest of the week.

Yes, just like a music teacher, I will try assigning practice sessions to all my students. In the future, I shall request parents of younger students and younger teens to prompt the student to open up their manuscript and begin with trying to write just the next sentence. Then just try writing for ten minutes or so on their story, at least one other time during the week. Parents, too, can time kids, setting up a sprint for their learner and doing so in a manner that will increase the fun factor.

This is an experiment. I'll report back here on how it goes. :)

***I completely understand considerations of money, scheduling, etc. must also come into play when considering coaching sessions. (BTW, I also have a sliding fee scale for those in need.)

Bye, my friends! I hope this was helpful. Have a great weekend. Feel free to leave comments or questions below. As always, if you or someone you’re raising is interested in increasing their creativity, English Language Arts, or writing a big project, you can let me know in the contact form and we can chat about you/your learner and the project to see if I can help.